South Yorkshire Times, August 11th 1951

Tailpiece

Whenever “Mark Twain” became angry he would utter a torrent of profanity that would cause his horrified wife to flee.  For many years she pleaded with him to stop this vicious habit.

One morning she decided to teach him a lesson.  “Mark Twain” was shaving, and he cut himself.  Immediately the room was filled with foul imprecations.  Without pause he went through his entire repertoire.

When he finished, his wife repeated his speech, word for word.  Twain looked up, mildly surprised, and then said calmly, “You have the words, my dear, but you don’t carry the melody.”